Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
