the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
