I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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