I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
