I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
there is glitter all over my balls
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
