my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
