this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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