Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
dude. I can hear the air.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
