lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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