My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
foreskin is a definite game changer
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
