Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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