the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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