Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
