Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
