I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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