i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
This is the prime rib incident all over again
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
