hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
