I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
