it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
