K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
