I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Sorry about my life...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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