Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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