I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
They took my balls.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
