you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
