Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
