you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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