He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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