We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
