I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
