Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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