I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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