in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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