Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
