he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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