dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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