I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
