you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
