Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
