Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
