Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
This is classic penis vs brain.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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