We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
