I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
