what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
