I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
