Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
