OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
