He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize