He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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