Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
