Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
ttyl tear gas
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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