franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
