The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We are two peas in an std pod
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
