Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
did i just pee glitter
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
