In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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