She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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