I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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