i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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