I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
