I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
