Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
