Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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