He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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