You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize