officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
