An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
