I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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