My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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