No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just found puke in my bra..
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
