i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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