I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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