i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
