My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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