Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
