Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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