I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
