just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
