my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize
