either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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