My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
