i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
