But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
