google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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