The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
