Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
