The brown eye won't let me do that either.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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