i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
