broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Randomize
