Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
