There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize