If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
