Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
