Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
