At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
