All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
