Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
