I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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