After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
