if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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