I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize