he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
